In deciding to follow along, and participate, in three tarot challenges simultaneously, I feel like Harold Crick at the opening of Stranger Than Fiction (one of my favorite movies):
Little did he know that this simple, seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death.
Only, instead of death, because how dramatic would that be, it’s resistance.
I woke up this morning and my body physically did not want to sit down with the cards, and my inner narrator said Really? I’m going to do THREE different throws? Again?
This can be the downside of being an all-in with mental health struggles/issues; the momentum can be there in the beginning, but can drop off once things take off. And if I cannot do it all, as intended, perfectly without any deviations, I don’t want to do it at all.
So, normally, when met with that resistance—at least with things my brain deems frivolous, like self-care—I just stop.
I set whatever it is aside, and move on.
And this is why the words elude me. And this is why the cards and I cannot hold a conversation that doesn’t feel forced or empty.
And this is why, when met with that resistance this morning, I thought it couldn’t hurt to shift things. To find an agreeable ease. A compromise.
How about, instead of three throws, I just pick one and go from there.
Instead of walking away from something I need, walking away from something that I know is a way to stay in my intuition and exercise it (it needs this, for those who might not know, much like a muscle can atrophy when not used), I allowed the practice to not need to be perfect.
When met with that resistance this morning, I asked my inner narrator to shift from a tragedy to something more hopeful, just as Karen did for Harold.
Not my usual story, but I think I like it more.