I am supposed to be at a spouses' coffee this morning. At least, I RSVP'ed for it.
I was supposed to go to yoga. And I did . . . but then I left twenty minutes later.
And I probably should not be wearing yet another white, v-neck tee. Because, gods, what will the other moms think?
But today? Today is the day of boundaries.
So, instead of going to the spouses' coffee, where I know very few people and will feel uncomfortable? I am here, at my dining table, enjoying a cup of coffee and some deliciously charred Italian bread and an amazing acoustic Spotify playlist while I write. Because there is no reason to force myself to do unnecessary things that do not move me. And it isn't about not stepping out of my comfort zone, because I do that and often, but it is about knowing where I want my energy directed.
This morning, that coffee was not the place for me.
And I went to yoga this morning, like I had planned. And I did leave after twenty minutes. Because the energy of the class wasn't what I needed today. Which isn't a judgment on the instructor (I am sure she is lovely), as much as it is me checking in with myself and knowing what I need.
This morning, that class was not what I needed.
And, yeah, I've worn white v-necks with some sort of dark jean, jogger, legging, or pant for the last few weeks. Because I love how classic and quickly pulled together they make me feel. The thought occurred to me, though, that maybe people will think I'm some scrub; you know, "that mom" who never bothers with her appearance. But, then I realized I don't care. I have been dreaming about creating a neutral capsule wardrobe for years, one specifically consisting of white tops, black tops, black maxi dresses, flannel shirts, and dark pants/leggings/jeans, plus pops of berry, grey, and moss. So, every time I shop now, that idea is in the forefront of my mind and what fills my cart. And, to be honest, I don't have to think too hard about what I am going to wear and whether or not it'll match or look good. Which, when you are as sleep deprived but vain as me, is a huge plus.
See, this is what I know to be true as I near my thirty-sixth birthday: the days are long, but life is short.
Spend your time where you must, but also spend your time where you wish.
Take the classes and read the books and go on the trips, but don't be afraid to walk out, put it down, or go home.
Buy the clothes that make you feel most like you and buy the clothes that make you feel like someone else and wear whatever the fuck you want, so long as it makes you feel good.
Take up space or play small, but know why you are doing what you are doing and make the choice for yourself--don't let the choice be made for you. And it is always, always, always okay to change your mind.
Because, really, in the end, life's too short for crappy yoga.